Over the last 72 hours, I have decided to not only continue my college education, but start paralegal school. Paralegals make starting what I currently make as a 10 year Paramedic. If I decide not to "help" the community, I can easily make 120k.
That being said, this will be my final recert in EMS. What else can I say. I hate this job. I hate what people make it out to be. I hate people. At one time I thought I might become a cop, at least Id be respected by friends and family. And you know what, if I was a cop or a hose monkey, I might actually be respected. But I learned taking care of you animals isnt worth it. I hoped my love of medicine and sacrifices to the world would not go unnoticed(even though I did not expect that in the begining).
What did I learn from 10 years on the street as a "healer?"
Well, 1)Most of you dont deserve to live. 2)Most of you are scum in one way or another and deserve to be batoned the hell out of. 3)I am a tool. I am a tool to the fire departments, doctors, nurses and everything else. 4) I am a cash cow for some CEO.
I was taught, "help others and you help yourself." BBUUAAHAHAHAHAHA. Im just ashamed of myself for never following through with college the first go around. If I did, I might have been successful, not willing to help others and yet pretend to(ie be a republicrat). I wish I never wanted to help people and be like my cousins(I DONT MEAN THIS IN A BAD WAY)and just take my classes and stay in WASP America and lead a normal life. Many people do this.....most people do this....I have no one to blame but myself.
They now get to live a life of luxury(not a bad thing) while I(and my brothers and sisters) know whats really out there. If I could do it all over again, I would. I would be like them. Normal. Happy. Naive. Again, this is not a bad thing. If I had followed them, Id be normal, hold normal relationships, do normal things. Instead Im "insane," cant hold on to anything meaningful for more than 1 hour etc etc....
In the end. FUCK YOU EMS.
Hopefully I have a new future. Until I get to move on up to the east side.....
ASTEROID BRING IT
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Arguing With Myself. The Uniformed Mind.
I have always argued with myself. My best friend will attest to this. Im fully aware Im nuts. That is not what Im going to discuss though, because that is a given, its a constant, like gravity.
Ive recently noticed something about myself and my uniformed brothers and sisters of all races and creeds. We have two minds. I think most of us will all agree we became EMTs, medics, firefighters, and cops for the same reason, we wanted to help people. We all were almost hypersensitive to suffering and injustice. We saw the suffering and injustice and thought "hey, Im going to do something about it!" In many ways, when we started out, we were "liberals."
FYI: This is not a conservative vs. liberal post per se, nor am I saying one is better than the other. Im just noticing a difference in our thought patterns.
As time goes on and we see more and more depraved acts of humanity, laziness and greed, we start to wonder why we are doing this. People that once believed in and helping the "underdog" are now saying "let em figure it out on their own." " Let em down." "Why is my paycheck going towards helping these shitheads?" The thing is, I notice these things being said while we are in uniform or just status post duty. I have noticed when we are in civilian garb, maybe at bar, a friend's house, the coffee shop, we are shocked at the things done to the "underdog." "Its not right!" we say. We want the best for our fellow humans. We believe racism, greed, and all the bad things that accompany them exist and should be stopped. However, when we throw on our blues(or whatever color your uniform is) we sound just like republicans. We hate, we stereotype, we believe the only good people left are the X amount of people currently on duty.
Im sure there is a balance between the two worlds. It may never be found though. I feel we live like Spiderman/Peter Parker, who was always in constant turmoil because of his two lives. Until we find that balance, I leave you with this. This is for all my brothers and sisters in uniform. It something Nick(my best friend) showed me a long time ago, and often provides me with inspiration good or bad on days when I dread going to work. http://youtu.be/OAvmLDkAgAM
Ive recently noticed something about myself and my uniformed brothers and sisters of all races and creeds. We have two minds. I think most of us will all agree we became EMTs, medics, firefighters, and cops for the same reason, we wanted to help people. We all were almost hypersensitive to suffering and injustice. We saw the suffering and injustice and thought "hey, Im going to do something about it!" In many ways, when we started out, we were "liberals."
FYI: This is not a conservative vs. liberal post per se, nor am I saying one is better than the other. Im just noticing a difference in our thought patterns.
As time goes on and we see more and more depraved acts of humanity, laziness and greed, we start to wonder why we are doing this. People that once believed in and helping the "underdog" are now saying "let em figure it out on their own." " Let em down." "Why is my paycheck going towards helping these shitheads?" The thing is, I notice these things being said while we are in uniform or just status post duty. I have noticed when we are in civilian garb, maybe at bar, a friend's house, the coffee shop, we are shocked at the things done to the "underdog." "Its not right!" we say. We want the best for our fellow humans. We believe racism, greed, and all the bad things that accompany them exist and should be stopped. However, when we throw on our blues(or whatever color your uniform is) we sound just like republicans. We hate, we stereotype, we believe the only good people left are the X amount of people currently on duty.
Im sure there is a balance between the two worlds. It may never be found though. I feel we live like Spiderman/Peter Parker, who was always in constant turmoil because of his two lives. Until we find that balance, I leave you with this. This is for all my brothers and sisters in uniform. It something Nick(my best friend) showed me a long time ago, and often provides me with inspiration good or bad on days when I dread going to work. http://youtu.be/OAvmLDkAgAM
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